just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize