hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize