no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
