If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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