You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
