The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
