im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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