I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
