I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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