I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
