It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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