Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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