HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
