what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
