How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize