i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
