who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
