you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
