I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
