ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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