I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize