how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
