I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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