Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
