yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
