SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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home. puking in laundry basket.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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