I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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