Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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