So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
