Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
