Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
