I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
