And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
