the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
