Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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