His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
