Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
