Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize