my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
