Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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