I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Randomize
