I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
