mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He shit in the fireplace
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
