1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
