I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
