Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
