Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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