I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize