I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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