i jhust puked up my retainher.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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