you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize