I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
