I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
