Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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