i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
