I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He kissed a someone with a penis
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
