3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
