I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
