I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
