help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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