I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
