2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
