Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
