I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
God, I missed his penis.
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