i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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