I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
