i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
