Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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