and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
