i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
how drunk are you?
Several
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
