It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
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