considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
