They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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