It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
