Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize