stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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