if i can run in heels then i can drive
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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