My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
