I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
