The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
