Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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