we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize