question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
