u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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