wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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