Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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