I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize