Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think my vagina is haunted
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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