I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
