I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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