I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
