I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Your cock deserves a montage
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
