I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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