dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
