he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
