whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
