if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
