I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
