I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
